My Story

I was 23 years old in 1991.  Working full time.  Living with my boyfriend (now husband).  I had received my Associates Degree in Criminal Justice, but not working in the field. I wanted to be a police officer and I was so proud that I had put myself through college.  I had no help or encouragement from my parents.  My mother use to tell me, "You don't need to go to college, Lori.  You'll get married; Your husband will take care of you."  Sigh...I'm sooo glad I didn't listen to her. 

Criminal Justice was a tough major for a women, even in the '90's.  Women were looked down upon, even by the teachers.  But physically, I just wasn't right.  I was 5'6" and weighed about 130.  It was tough keeping up with my classmates in the criminal justice gym classes.  We had to run, box, do fireman's carry, obstacle course, etc.

I was working in a group home at the time.  My shifts were crazy.  I would work all 3 shifts in the same work week.  I was soo tired.  I was having a lot of aches and pains, too. 

I went to my general internist.  He did a ton of blood tests and told me to come back the next month.  When I came back for my follow-up, he said that nothing was wrong with me.  He said I was depressed and was thinking about my aches and pains too much.  I told him that something was wrong; That I just wasn't right.  He said that he'd redo the test and had me make another appointment for next month.  In the meantime, he gave me a medical note for my employer and I went on temporary disability. 

I was so afraid of losing my job.  I found it impossible to admit that I couldn't be productive.  I asked my manager if I could come into work late, do as much as I could and then leave early.  It's not like they were paying me, because I was on disability.  It was almost like I was doing volunteer work.  I was so afraid that I would not be able to get my job back. 

I had been working since I was 14 (as a Rent-A-Kid), back in the '80's.  I never wanted a free ride.  But I didn't feel well and my doctor was clueless!  The following month, I went back to my doctor.  Still no answers.  He started prescribing me anti-depressants.  They didn't work. Every two weeks I would return to him and still no answers.  He keep on telling me that I was depressed and THAT'S why I was feeling so much pain.  I told him that I was depressed BECAUSE I was in so much pain.  There's a difference!!  Every time I left the doctors office, I'd be in tears.  I'M TOO YOUNG TO HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I CAN'T BE A PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY!!! 

Finally he started to send me to 'specialists'. It took a few doctors, but FINALLY I found one that would listen.  I was sooo hopeful!  I told him that I was using a wheelchair for long distances.  He asked me to lay down of the examining table.  He put his hand on my ankle and asked me to lift my leg up against his hand.  I just couldn't do it.  He said that I had no muscle mass and that I needed to get myself moving.  He then started pressing on my pressure points.  Those with Fibromyalgia know what I'm talking about.  Every one hurt.  I had Fibromyalgia.  I had no idea what it was, but I was sooo happy to finally be diagnosed!!  Someone finally believed me and I wasn't alone!

It took 6 months for me to find a doctor who knew what I had. I started physical therapy and working out. I felt much better. Since I couldn't work 40 hours, I decided to go back to school. My dream of being a police officer was dead. I decided to major in Social Work. It took me 3 more years, but I earned my BSW. I learned a lot about myself. They say that you can't help others until you help yourself. I had to rip apart my childhood and face my issues, before I could help others. I was married while I was a student. He was there for me throughout my ordeal. I even gave him a way out. Who wants to be married to someone who's disabled. He really does love me. I graduated college the same week we closed on our first house. We wanted to start our family right away. I wanted to be a stay at home mom. While my college friends were all looking for jobs, I was able to just concentrate on my grades. I knew that I would be home.

The following February, I found out that I was pregnant.  We were soo happy!  I was taking care of the house and running errands, trying to stretch my husbands paycheck as far as it could go.  Money was tight, but I loved being at home.  I was still working out early in my pregnancy, but soon that would stop.  As the weeks went on, I was getting sooo tired.  Some days I would be in bed when my husband went to work AND when he came home.  I rested when I needed to.  It's not like I had any other responsibilities.  My husband, as always, was VERY understanding.  The pregnancy went pretty smoothly, although I gained A LOT of weight.  After 9 months, I was induced and I went into labor.  The labor was tough.  My umbilical cord was wrapped around the babies neck.  When our son was born, he was so quiet.  There were about 20 white coats in the room and we had no idea at the time, but we could have lost our baby boy.

We had a healthy baby boy.  We fell into parenthood very well.  I loved being home with him.  I did cloth diapers, homemade baby food and, of course, I nursed him.  I was still very tired, but looking back, I realize he really was a good baby.  At my next doctors appointment, my doctor wanted to start me on medication to help me sleep through the night.  I was still waking up every hour on the hour.  The only catch  was that I had to stop nursing.  Of course, this was a male doctor.  He obviously had no clue about the importance of nursing.  I told him, "No way!"  When he realized that I was not going to change my mind, he told me to come back when my baby stops nursing and he will prescribe me some medication. 

When my son was 8 months old, he no longer had any interest in nursing.  I was devastated.  So I returned to my doctor and he prescribed me Trazodone.  It's an anti-depressant, but in small doses, it helps people with Fibromyagia sleep through the night.  (That was 14 years ago and I am still on it!)  It works wonderfully.  I'm not sure that people relize how important sleep is.  I was soo tired that I wanted to die.  You could sleep 24 hours a day, but if you are waking up every hour, it's like your not sleeping at all. 

After our son turned 11 months, I started to get bored.  I found activities for us to do outside the home.  We went to preschool play, Hochstein Music School and I enrolled him into gymnastics.  We had a lot of fun.  I started to feel better, too.  The meds were helping me sleep through the night for the first time ever.  I was also looking for things to do to earn some money.  I was feeling guilty for not helping with the bills, but also, I loved being at home with our baby.  I soon started to sell on Ebay.  I was a great small business that gave me the opportunity to work when I wanted and set my own hours.  I started shopping thrift store to see what I could buy to resell.  It was a lot of fun.  My son came with me shopping, so I never needed a sitter.  I calculated that I made about $10 an hour.  It wasn't much, but I was actually contributing to the household finances. 

Our son started preschool when he was 3 years old and this gave me a little break.  Once we started looking at kindergarten for him, we realized that we were interested in private schooling.  During my extensive research, (I became totally obsessed) I came across 2 college prep schools in our area.  Unfortunately, I had no idea what they cost BEFORE we toured.  Once we toured them, we were hooked; Then the sticker shock took place.  $8000 a year for KINDERGARTEN!!  Holy crap!  (What were we thinking?)  We had to get him in.  I stepped up my Ebay business and was able to almost cover his tuition payment every month, almost.

Looking back, it was really great for me because it made me have to get up in the morning.  Working was like physical therapy for me.  I think it is the best thing for people who have Fibromyalgia.  I have to get up regardless of how tired I am and of my aches and pains.  I had to "suck it up", (my favorite phrase!)  My Ebay business was going well until 9/11.  The economy sank and people stopped donating.  I had to come up with something new.  I knew that I couldn't work a conventional job.  I certainly couldn't work 40 hours.  But I had to keep my son at this really great school! 

I had been volunteering at my son's school.  They had a large fish tank that no one was taking care of.  I was there every week, upgrading and caring for the fish.  People would walk by and say "You should come to MY house and clean mine".  I was soo insulted!  This was a lot of work.  It was a labor of love.  I did it for the kids.  They loved their fish!  But soon, I realised that not only are there businesses that do this kind of work, but there was a HUGE market for it.  So I looked in the yellow pages and called one of the businesses.  He said that he charged $40 an hour.  $40 AN HOUR!!  Wow! I thought, "I could do that!" And that is how The Fish Lady was started.  That was nearly 8 years ago and my business is going strong.  I am among the highest paid professional aquarist in my area.  (I get way more than $40 an hour, way more.)  I work about 25 to 30 hours a week, my way.  I set my own schedule and accept only the clients that I want.  And best of all, I can give myself raises!  Who Knew?

So, my business is called The Fish Lady.  I set up and maintain freshwater aquariums.  I also move aquariums and maintain ponds.  I go to doctors offices, businesses, nursing homes (my favorite) and private homes.  Every year my business continues to grow.  I don't have any employees, but I hope to get that big someday.  I know that I won't be able to work forever, so my goal is to have a team of Fish Ladys, so I can take it easy.  But for now, I couldn't ask for a better job.  It is very empowering to be able to set your own price and your own hours.  I've learned a lot about fish AND about running a business. 

My doctor now calls me 'one of his success stories.'  I don't always feel that way, but I do feel very fortunate.  I have a great family that understands my condition.  And I'm able to run my own business my way. 

The purpose of this blog is to document My Life with Fibromyalgia.  To show that IT doesn't have us and that we can manage IT.  I hope that weather you've had it a long time or if you were just diagnosed, that we can share our experiences and try to help each other.  What doesn't kill ya, makes you stronger, right?

 

1 comments:

           

Cave Canem said...

Hi Lori, Wow - what a story! I never knew you had Fibromyalgia. It was very interesting reading about your journey. And I can attest - firsthand -that you are an extraordinary "Fish Lady!"

November 17, 2010 6:53 AM